Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Conversations That Need To Get OUT of My Head

Dr.V: "There's one heartbeat...and there's the other."
Me: "Will I be able to carry twins considering I am so small?"
Dr.V: "You can, but it's going to be difficult."

Butthead Parent 1: "I just heard a nasty rumor about you. Is it true?"
Me: "I don't know. Lots of rumors go on around here. What is it?"
Butthead Parent 1: "I just heard a rumor that you are having twins."
Me: "Yep, that's true - we're very excited!"
Butthead Parent 1: "Well, that's all fine and great, but what about our kids?"

Butthead Parent 2: "________'s mother is DEVASTATED that you are pregnant. She has just cried and cried. Who is going to teach the kids?"
Me: "I'll have a long term sub. It will be just fine."
Butthead Parent 2 (walking off while talking): "Well, she is just devastated."

Me: "Everytime I get up, I feel like a foot or a hand is going to pop out."
Dr. Jerk: "Hmmm...that's interesting. I've never heard of that."

Me: "I wake up at 6am. By 9am, I am hunched over and holding myself because the pressure is so intense."
Dr. Jerk: "Hmmm...I just can't figure out why. Maybe you should just take it easy and sit during the day."
Me: "I am a kindergarten teacher. I do not sit down. I am on my feet 98% of the day. If I need to be sitting, then I need to quit working."
Dr. Jerk: "Well, we don't want you to quit working. Bedrest isn't a good idea all the time."

Me: "I am hurting. My back hurts, and the pressure is very bad."
Dr. Jerk: "Pregnancy is very tough - especially with twins. Hang in there."
Me (crying): "I don't know how this is supposed to feel, but I don't feel good."
Dr. Jerk: "Unfortunately, since you are so little, you've gone from 0-9 months is just 4 months. Just keep resting."

Me: "I feel awful and I can barely walk without holding myself."
Dr. Jerk: "What do you want me to do, MKV?"
Me: "I need to be taken off work or at least work half days."
Dr. Jerk: "Well, we don't like to take you off work unless it is really necessary."
Me: "Do you think it is necessary considering the pressure?"
Dr. Jerk: "What do you want me to do, MKV?"
Me: "I don't know. I guess put me on half days because I cannot make it through a full day of work. I'm telling you, I do not sit down at work."
Dr. Jerk: "If you think that will help."

Butthead Parent 3: "So, are you sure you are going home after your half day?"
Me: "Yes, I am. I can barely walk by 11:30am when the half day is over."
Butthead Parent 3: "Well, I haven't seen your car in the driveway in the afternoons."
Me: "I park in the garage."

Me: "How many hours per day should I spend in bed?"
Dr. Jerk: "There are no restrictions."
Me: "So, it's okay to do laundry, dishes, go upstairs, etc.?"
Dr. Jerk: "There are no restrictions. In fact, I want you up and doing."

Me: "What about a cerclage to sew my cervix up?"
Dr. Jerk: "You are not a candidate for a cerclage."

Dr. Jerk (at our 20 week appt.): "Wow! You're having twins?!? I have twins too."
Me: "What do you think about the cervical length?"
Dr. Jerk (finally picking up my paperwork from the 20 week sono): "Oh, what was it?"
Me: "It was measuring at a 2.8.'
Dr. Jerk: "Oh, that's fine. Anything below 2.5 is cause for concern."
Me: "Well, isn't that close?"
Dr. Jerk: "It should be fine. Just come back in one month and we'll recheck."
Me (crying): "I don't think I can wait a month. Is there any way I can come back in two weeks."
Dr. Jerk: "Well, we're just going to listen to the heartbeat. That's all."

Dr. P (who checked us into the hospital two weeks later): "What we have here is an incompetent cervix. There were signs of this at your 20 week appointment. We have to check you into the hospital."
Me (crying from relief, naively thinking I am finally going to be monitored closely): "Well, good. I knew this was going to happen. Now I can make it to at least 28 weeks."
Dr. P: "You will not make it to 28 weeks. You will deliver in a few days."


The Nanny said...

Good grief. What idiots, all of them. I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I'm thinking of you...

Monica H said...

I was a little confused at first. I thought these were current conversations about you being pregnant with twins, then I thought "she's not that far along yet" Hmmmmm? Now I get it, I can be a little slow sometimes.

I can't believe how insensitive people can be. It seems all the things you are going through are only happening to others. I'm sorry this happened to you and I hope that getting them out of your head helped (at least a little :))

dale mitchell said...

Congratulations!!! The thoughts are out of your head and on paper now...that's great. No more clogging your brain with the past...gives it plenty of room to think about the future and baby Balaam or Bathsheba, whichever the case may be!! YEAH!!! I love and miss you and I'm checking this blog every day!

Anonymous said...

I can't help but feel anger and sorrow when I read this. Callous people! At the same time, I am with Dale. I'm glad you wrote it because I believe it will help you release it. These people were just plain wrong, and it is NOT okay, and it will never be acceptable. I don't know how I could ever forgive these people if I were you, but I pray that somehow, some way you WILL be able to forgive these selfish/insensitive comments because that will help you to put it behind you.

cb said...

Listen to Dale Mitchell!
I like where his head's at.

Monica said...

Do you feel better now that you got it out of your head? I do the same thing.. think of all the "what if's". What if my doctor had read my file more closely, what if she had induced early, what if, what if. Those thoughts will drive you crazy. You've got a new doctor, so I hope that helps. I know nothing short of holding this baby will help you. And as far as the parents go, it is much easier the second time around to blow them off. With Jimmy, I was only going to take off six weeks because I didn't want my kids to fall behind. Now I could care less.. well.. I still care, but damn, it has to be about ME sometimes. I took off 12 weeks (plus the two at Christmas), so I'll have off 14 weeks. And I really don't care.

Cas said...

I am not sure I could refer to that doctor as Dr. Jerk. I think I might start with stupid inconsiderate bastard. My string of profanities would only escalate from there. Also, butthead parent is entirely too nice. I worry about what is best for my kids too, but not to the exclusion of all others. I am sorry this has been such a rough road for you. I pray for you daily and I am constantly amazed by your courage.

Kristi said...

I can't believe your doctor ignored your many requests. We know our own bodies the best.

You're in my thoughts.

Lori said...

That is absolutely awful. I can't believe you were speaking up about so many signs, and your doctors just ignored you. It makes me sick. Do not blame yourself for one solitary second. I am so, so sorry that you were not listened to.

I cannot tell such a long, awful story because my pregnancy felt quite good almost right up until the end, but I did tell my OB two days before I went into the hospital that I was feeling a lot of pressure. He too dismissed it as "normal for a twin pregnancy" and referred back to my excellent cervical length at my 20 week U/S (mine actually was excellent at that point). I will always wish I had pressed him more to check things out at that point. I wonder if we would have seen the signs of what was coming? Maybe before it was too late? Instead, he told me that I didn't need to worry about signs of PTL until about 26 weeks. I took him at his word, ignored the "strange feelings" I was having two nights later, and landed in the hospital in full blown PTL just two days after he said those words to me.

It's hard to let it go, isn't it? I really do understand.

Kim said...

Sweetie, I am just SO SORRY. There are no words for how inconsiderate and unprofessional your doctor was. *hug* I am glad you are in better hands this time around.

Sunny said...

You totally had me scared. I thought this was in the now.

I am sorry you ever had to go through any of that especially stupid people!