Wednesday, October 31, 2007


One can only painstakingly open the door, greet the cuties with a smile, and comment on their costumes so many times without going stark raving mad. I always vowed I would never put my infant child into a silly costume on Halloween. I've changed my mind. If I am fortunate enough to have a 5 month old child in my arms next Halloween, that kid will be in a hot dog costume. I'll be so happy to have a little trick or treater of my own, that we'll attend every harvest festival, pumpkin patch hoedown, and carnival in town. So what that the baby will sleep through it all.

So, here's to one more Halloween, one more Thanksgiving, one more Christmas, and one more Easter without a little hot dog of my own. And, while it scares me that I'm being so optimistic and (once again) naive, I definitely still have my moments of panic. And, I think my panic will increase as we approach 23 weeks. For now, things are progressing surprisingly well. The cerclage was a piece of cake, I'm resting comfortably, and I only have one more Halloween to endure alone.

Monday, October 29, 2007

Sew 'Er Up Tight, Doc

Bon-bons anyone?

I will gladly share as I sit on my patootie for the next 2 weeks after the cerclage tomorrow. That is, barring I make it to the surgery alive since I cannot eat after midnight. I requested triple knots in the cerclage string, and Dr. B. said he would quadruple it just for me. I really don't care if he performs a colorful 4th grade weaving project down there...whatever it takes. Just let this work.

Sunday, October 21, 2007

My Give a Damn's Busted

As I sit in my bed, clothed in my robe and underwear (because it's actually 40 degrees in Texas and I'm cold), eating Natural White Cheese Cheeto Cheese Puffs, I realize that I officially do not care. I.Do.Not.Care.

I do not care that mom and I ate a full meal at 4:30pm after the appt. with Dr. B., and on the way home, at 5:30 pm, I went to Bill Miller's BBQ and ordered another full meal complete with 2 orders of hash browns, extra sauce, AND brownies.

I do not care that my body is going into complete and udder What The Hell Kind of Crap Are You Eating Now? mode. If it sounds good, I eat it, regardless of whether I would ever let it touch my mouth on a non-pregnant day.

I do not care that I have zero desire to walk down the stairs and out into the cold garage to get two rolls of toilet paper to replace the two empty rolls upstairs. In fact, my give a damn is so busted that I have a pee plan sans toilet paper in place for this evening.

I do not care that crap is stacked up on my side of the bed and cracker crumbs on the floor will soon be attracting a full blown platoon of ants.

I do not care that my afternoons, evenings, and nights involve a path from my garage directly to my bed, not to be traveled again until morning.

I do not care that my teeth are not being brushed for 2 minutes morning and night. A toothbrush and toothpaste are a sure fire combo for gagging and possibly puking. So, bring on the halitosis and funk.

And I certainly do not care that I am about to tell kindergarten parents that I am going to be out for 2 weeks after the cerclage. In fact, I welcome it. Look forward to it. Let's get the show on the road.

Frogger is measuring beautifully, the nuchal translucency test came back great, and things are looking brighter. We're on for the cerclage next week. Put me out, sew me shut and let's move forward, because my give a damn's busted.

Thursday, October 18, 2007

Oh Yeah...And One More

Idiot HR Person (3 days after delivering): "And how long do you plan to take off?"
Me: "I get six weeks."
Idiot HR Person: "Well...that was before. I think the circumstances have changed now."
Me (almost coming across the table to rip her head off): "My doctor's paperwork said I get six weeks. I just delivered 2 babies that did not live."

Tuesday, October 16, 2007

Conversations That Need To Get OUT of My Head

Dr.V: "There's one heartbeat...and there's the other."
Me: "Will I be able to carry twins considering I am so small?"
Dr.V: "You can, but it's going to be difficult."

Butthead Parent 1: "I just heard a nasty rumor about you. Is it true?"
Me: "I don't know. Lots of rumors go on around here. What is it?"
Butthead Parent 1: "I just heard a rumor that you are having twins."
Me: "Yep, that's true - we're very excited!"
Butthead Parent 1: "Well, that's all fine and great, but what about our kids?"

Butthead Parent 2: "________'s mother is DEVASTATED that you are pregnant. She has just cried and cried. Who is going to teach the kids?"
Me: "I'll have a long term sub. It will be just fine."
Butthead Parent 2 (walking off while talking): "Well, she is just devastated."

Me: "Everytime I get up, I feel like a foot or a hand is going to pop out."
Dr. Jerk: "Hmmm...that's interesting. I've never heard of that."

Me: "I wake up at 6am. By 9am, I am hunched over and holding myself because the pressure is so intense."
Dr. Jerk: "Hmmm...I just can't figure out why. Maybe you should just take it easy and sit during the day."
Me: "I am a kindergarten teacher. I do not sit down. I am on my feet 98% of the day. If I need to be sitting, then I need to quit working."
Dr. Jerk: "Well, we don't want you to quit working. Bedrest isn't a good idea all the time."

Me: "I am hurting. My back hurts, and the pressure is very bad."
Dr. Jerk: "Pregnancy is very tough - especially with twins. Hang in there."
Me (crying): "I don't know how this is supposed to feel, but I don't feel good."
Dr. Jerk: "Unfortunately, since you are so little, you've gone from 0-9 months is just 4 months. Just keep resting."

Me: "I feel awful and I can barely walk without holding myself."
Dr. Jerk: "What do you want me to do, MKV?"
Me: "I need to be taken off work or at least work half days."
Dr. Jerk: "Well, we don't like to take you off work unless it is really necessary."
Me: "Do you think it is necessary considering the pressure?"
Dr. Jerk: "What do you want me to do, MKV?"
Me: "I don't know. I guess put me on half days because I cannot make it through a full day of work. I'm telling you, I do not sit down at work."
Dr. Jerk: "If you think that will help."

Butthead Parent 3: "So, are you sure you are going home after your half day?"
Me: "Yes, I am. I can barely walk by 11:30am when the half day is over."
Butthead Parent 3: "Well, I haven't seen your car in the driveway in the afternoons."
Me: "I park in the garage."

Me: "How many hours per day should I spend in bed?"
Dr. Jerk: "There are no restrictions."
Me: "So, it's okay to do laundry, dishes, go upstairs, etc.?"
Dr. Jerk: "There are no restrictions. In fact, I want you up and doing."

Me: "What about a cerclage to sew my cervix up?"
Dr. Jerk: "You are not a candidate for a cerclage."

Dr. Jerk (at our 20 week appt.): "Wow! You're having twins?!? I have twins too."
Me: "What do you think about the cervical length?"
Dr. Jerk (finally picking up my paperwork from the 20 week sono): "Oh, what was it?"
Me: "It was measuring at a 2.8.'
Dr. Jerk: "Oh, that's fine. Anything below 2.5 is cause for concern."
Me: "Well, isn't that close?"
Dr. Jerk: "It should be fine. Just come back in one month and we'll recheck."
Me (crying): "I don't think I can wait a month. Is there any way I can come back in two weeks."
Dr. Jerk: "Well, we're just going to listen to the heartbeat. That's all."

Dr. P (who checked us into the hospital two weeks later): "What we have here is an incompetent cervix. There were signs of this at your 20 week appointment. We have to check you into the hospital."
Me (crying from relief, naively thinking I am finally going to be monitored closely): "Well, good. I knew this was going to happen. Now I can make it to at least 28 weeks."
Dr. P: "You will not make it to 28 weeks. You will deliver in a few days."

Monday, October 15, 2007

Mommy of Four Angels

On this day of Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness, I will never forget you my sweet babies...from the ones I held in my arms to the ones I held in my heart. And will continue to hold forever.

Friday, October 12, 2007

MKV to Pregnancy: Really...Let's Just Be Friends

10 Weeks Pregnant + Field Day with Kindergarten = Near Death

Thursday, October 11, 2007

All Is Well In Frog Land

The antibiotics have officially kicked in, Zofran is back in my system, My Babe is in the process of making me a grilled cheese sandwich cut neatly into 4 triangles, and Frogger is an official overachiever, measuring a few days ahead of schedule. I could not ask for more.

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Sending Out An SOS

...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---... ...---...

That's Morse Code for, "HELP! GET ME OUT OF THIS BODY!"

I'm throwing in the towel. I give up. I'm sick of being sick. Last week I had a major puke fest, complete with broken blood vessels in my face from the violent heaving and now I'm sick, with fever and a sore throat. AGAIN. I missed work AGAIN. We've had 30 days of school and I have officially missed 5 of those days. I GIVE UP.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

The Kindergarten Hell Holes

No, not the classrooms as you might think...but the bathrooms.

Have you ever smelled toilets that 40 five year old girls and 40 five year old boys use? It ain't pretty, friends. And, it isn't making for an easy time when I must visit this place frequently throughout the day. It's not even the unflushed poop that I see on a daily basis, or the lovely findings on the toilet seat. It's the smell of urine. I must say that my girls need to drink some serious water to dilute their pee because it smells BAD. I hold my breath as I am walking through the hallway that connects my classroom to D's room, right past the nasty little pots. Going into the bathroom is worse, of course. I keep my nose covered with my shirt, but then sometimes my own body smell (on non-pregnant days when I have energy to care, I smell like flowers) starts getting to me and I have to uncover quickly. I just can't win, as going down the hallway and around the corner really isn't an option as frequently as I must go. Lots can happen in a unsupervised and even semi-supervised kindergarten classroom in 2 minutes. Heck, lots can happen in a completely supervised kindergarten classroom in 2 minutes. Lots, I tell you.

Alas, only 2 more days of the Kindergarten Hell Hole for this week.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

At This Point, I Don't Care If I Give Birth To A Frog

As long as I can bring it home, wrap it in a blanket, and stick it in a crib, I'll take it. A frog is exactly what the baby looked like today. Frogger is still alive, measuring ahead of schedule, heart was beating away, and I am quite relieved.

After an emergency "I Have To Eat Right NOW" trip to McDonald's (big fat yuck), we arrive at Dr. B's office. The nurse took my heart rate at 110 bpm confirming my extreme fear and apprehension for just being there. We've never had good luck at Dr. B's until now. Unexpectedly, I was all emotional in the room before the sonographer walked in, and even after she gave us the good news and left. My fears were not calmed until Dr. B, in all his cocky glory, came in. Normally we do NOT deal with doctors that have a cocky presence such as his, but this time I could care less. He can be cocky all he wants as long as he gives me a real live, take home baby. So, we will return to him on the 11th for a "peace of mind" check that I requested (yeah, me!) after he originally said he would see us in 3 weeks. I don't want to get ahead of myself, but he will also see us on the 23rd for the cerclage consultation. For now, I'm keeping all my crossables crossed that Frogger makes it out alive.

Monday, October 1, 2007

October Resolutions

I missed September, but only because I felt like dog and school was kicking my butt.

1. Think positively.
2. Walk Peanut a little after school instead of heading directly for the bed.
3. Swim once a week.
4. Rely on prayer throughout the day. I'm good about it going to sleep, waking up, and during the "moment of silence" at work, but that's about it.
5. Continue on the "no" path when it comes to extra responsibilities at work.
6. Advocate for the care I feel I need, even when I am feeling shy, defeated, unsure, like a wimp, etc.
6. Remain thankful for the little human I am busy growing.