Friday, September 28, 2007

Okay...Really, I Can't Complain

This is the best pregnancy I've had to date. Although I certainly do not feel even close to 100%, I can actually eat. Nothing really sounds good, but at least I can eat and that makes me one happy camper, considering I am a big eater. I still want to throw up but it isn't right there in my throat potentially causing me to spontaneously vomit at any given moment. This is mainly in part to the constant stream of nausea medication I've kept in my body. I've learned that when I don't take it on weekends (simply to save the pills since they cost an arm and a leg per pill) that is when I throw up. Nights are not very good either, but I'll take that to feeling badly all the time. Of course this stream of good luck makes me wonder in the back of my mind if the baby is still alive. I haven't had an ultrasound in almost two weeks, so you just never know. This isn't consuming my mind, but I am confident I will feel this anxiety daily.

Which brings me to another reason I cannot complain. I'm sick to read of a fellow blogger's latest loss...her 7th to be exact. Her repeated second trimester loss has me waking in the middle of the night, stopping in the middle of the day, wondering what she is doing. Knowing the physical things her body is going through right this minute. Knowing that her body has no idea she doesn't have a baby to hold. Knowing the devastation and the tears that just won't stop. I do not know her, have no idea what she looks like, and will never meet her, but I hurt for her. Unfair doesn't even begin to describe the situation.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

It Was The Banana Family

I got rid of the high fever after 5 days, only to be blindsided by "morning" (24/7) sickness that very day. The last couple of weeks have been tough. My kindergarten children no longer look at me funny as I gag over the trash can several times per day. No telling what they say to their parents about it, but it seems that they view it as normal now. I can no longer bring home food from a restaurant without all four windows rolled down and my head sticking out. Even then I might scream at any moment, "Throw the food the hell out of the window!"

I had 3 good days last week. I am convinced it was the family of bananas my mom bought for me. I should've cloned the damn things since one of my children's parents works in a lab where they clone cows (serious business). For 3 glorious days I ate a banana before getting out of bed along with those little rectangle Club crackers. Those were days that I could actually smile, laugh, and only want to half-puke all day long. But, that family of bananas is long gone and it seems that no others can take their place. In fact, if a banana comes within 1 foot of my mouth, I might hurl. And don't bring me a Club cracker either unless you want to get smacked down.

Speaking of hurling...ever puked up trail mix? I highly do not recommend it. That's been my day today.

If it seems like I'm whining...I am. In fact, I've earned that considering this is my fourth pregnancy with no take home baby and each time I've been equally as sick. Being sick does NOT mean this pregnancy is healthy. It just means I have damn good hormones that like to make themselves heard.

However, I am thankful. I am thankful to God for the opportunity again. I am thankful that everything looked great at our 7 week sonogram. I am thankful that I have THE BEST HUSBAND IN THE WORLD, and I am thankful that maybe, just maybe this could be the one.

Friday, September 7, 2007

Hey Fool (self): It's No Longer Allergies When...

1. The sight, sound, taste, feeling of water makes my skin crawl.
2. I have on a sweatshirt, long pajama pants, and the A/C up to 80 degrees in August.
3. Chills.
4. Sweat.
5. A throat so sore I am trying not to swallow and when I do, I wince.
6. Hot.
7. Cold.
8. Fever of 102 degrees.
9. Aches.
10. Pains.
11. Stiff neck.
12. Gatorade sounds good.
13. The couch becomes the infirmary.
14. Anything touching my skin hurts.
15. I'm actually okay with watching all 2 hours of "VH1's Top 40 Greatest Pranks."

Sunday, September 2, 2007

I've Taken A Second Job

My first job I've had for 9 years. It's the brain engineer job where I take care of everyone else's children. I teach them to read, write, think critically, be respectful, to love friends, laugh, and be inquisitive. This is the job that sucks the life out of me most days, but pays in unseen rewards beyond measure. This is the job that I'm actually pretty good at, but tend to take too seriously (especially the last few days). This job has run my life for 9 years.

My newest job is much more important. It will take precedence over my first job. It will take more energy and strength than I have some days. It will require a great deal of rest, faith, healthy choices, and positive thinking. It will be all consuming, but will pay better than any other job on earth. This job will guide my thinking, my actions, and my words. This job requires me to put everything and everyone else on the back burner. And although I know too well that this job involves a great deal of risk, I remain confident that this job will lead me to a place I've been praying for.

My new job is Pregnancy #4 and I'm excited but scared to death.