Monday, February 25, 2008

Random Bad vs. Good of Today

Bad: This morning started with nausea. Yes, thank you third trimester.

Good: My nausea allowed me to eat a little bit for breakfast and a pretty big lunch.

Bad: While blow drying my curly hair straight, my beloved Chi hair dryer exploded. I do not write explosion lightly.

Good: I've been needing a new hair dryer and now I have no choice but to get one.

Bad: My belly button hurts and is sticking out profusely.

Good: We all had a good laugh when one of the kids said (pointing to my belly button), "I think I see the baby's toe sticking out right there."

Bad: In a nauseated blur, I waited for 2 hours and 15 minutes for my dr. to see me for my 30 week appt.

Good: Everything looks great.

Bad: My Babe saw a turtle trying to cross Hwy 620, a very busy road by our house, and witnessed cars driving over him.

Good: My Babe got out of his truck, rescued him from danger, drove to Brushy Creek and let him go. That's just the way he is.

Bad: On the way home tonight, police were trying to convince a man to come back over the bridge that he was threatening to jump off.

Good: I was reminded of the blessings in my life and took time to pray for his safety and soul.

Bad: My Babe worked overtime today at the fire station.

Good: He is actually getting to come home tonight rather than spend the night at the station. And that makes up for all the bad in the world tonight.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Sleep Won't Hardly Come

Sleep is a silly thing to request these days. I feel as if I have hip dysplasia, I have to sleep in an almost sitting position to avoid puking up my food all night, my whole body aches and burns, my varicose veins hurt like a beast, and I can't breathe worth snot.

However, all over the world right now, people can't sleep at night.

Many have just lost a child, a husband, a mother or father, a loved one near and dear to their hearts. Some are going through the despair of divorce. Others are dealing with a terminal illness and pain that no medication or delivery date can fix. Many don't have a cozy bed and covers to wrap in. Some don't have a support system of friends to carry them through. Husbands and wives are far from their families at war. A great deal will never be able to have children. All of these people can't turn away from the worry and sleep is a dreaded nightly event.

As sleep eludes me at night, I think of these people. I think of just how lucky I am to have a strong marriage, a healthy baby girl still growing, loved ones safe and sound, a cozy home, and temporary discomfort. I pray for them to find sleep.

But as darkness fades, I easily forget to count my blessings and instead revert back to feeling grumpy, irritated, cheated, and abused from all of these pregnancies and recurrent losses. Pain overcomes my mind and I forget how brief it really is in the grand scheme of life. How soon this will all fade and a new kind of sleepless night will take over.

I pray I will carry my blessings throughout the day. I pray that I will find strength like I used to have years ago to continue to endure pain. I pray I will not complain as much and will find peace with the past. I pray for those that have it far worse than I could ever imagine.

For all these things I pray each night when sleep won't hardly come.

Sunday, February 17, 2008


Miles, that is.

My Babe ran his first marathon today like a first class champ. It was super fun and I'm excited already for the next one.

To top it off, we arrived home to a beautiful bouquet of flowers on the front porch from an unknown giver. They smell Heavenly and look that way too - thank you Secret Admirer!

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Recipe for the Perfect Marriage

From the Kitchen of MKV


Hugs & Kisses
Unconditional Love

Find a tall, dark, handsome, athletic, caring, smart guy. Make sure his name is TAV. Marry him quickly before he gets away. Let him be adventurous. Laugh, hug and kiss daily. Trust him in everything he does and have hope and faith the world will keep him safe. Respect him amazing work ethic and commitment to his family. Show affection, kindness, and compassion toward him in everything he does. Love him unconditionally. Enjoy a lifetime of happiness together.

I love you babe, you are my everything. Happy Valentine's Day...

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

28...The Sweetest Number

28 Weeks today, our ultimate goal.

Her name is Kallie Zane.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

Feeling Just a Wee Bit TRAPPED.

For the better part of three years I've been growing humans a profoundly unsuccessful rate...or at least until now. To say that I feel limited, maxed out, abnormal, and pretty much done would be a gross understatement. I am thankful each and every second for a healthy baby girl measuring perfectly at 27 weeks, for not having to be on bed rest, for feeling pretty good, and for the possibility that this really might work.

But, let's be real now.

I'm weary. I'm tired of being a doctor's science experiment. My body doesn't know which way is up anymore (except for my faithful reflux/heartburn friend) and it certainly hasn't had enough recovery time between pregnancies to even begin to try to go back to "normal." Being that I have the pastiest of pasty white skin, I will never be able to wear shorts in public again unless I spend the outrageous amount of money to fix them. It looks like someone has punched me in multiple places and then completed a dot-to-dot picture between punches. And, my varicose veins...yeah...let's just stop there.

I feel trapped. Trapped inside my freakish mind. Trapped inside my classroom. Trapped inside a pregnant body that is not allowed to exercise. Trapped because this is the last weekend I am allowed to travel.

And, while I am not silly and know this is not permanent, I am feeling a great deal of anxiety over the permanent change that will soon come to my dream come true marriage. I want to protect it. I want to spend every moment possible nurturing it before we're blindsided by lack of sleep. I want to keep it sacred and I've spent a good deal of time researching books on how to "prepare" your marriage for the arrival of a baby. Which, really, is hysterical since experience is the only way to learn this one.

I am anxious and tired of the physical sacrifices, the restrictions and limitations, the doctor's visits and the trapped feeling. But, I must remind myself often that I will make it. The light is beginning to show at the end of the long, long, scary tunnel. I will crawl through the tunnel soon, and while life will look completely different, I will settle into a groove. My marriage will survive and remain strong through lots of hard work and forgiveness. And, very soon, I will no longer feel trapped.