Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Sleep Won't Hardly Come

Sleep is a silly thing to request these days. I feel as if I have hip dysplasia, I have to sleep in an almost sitting position to avoid puking up my food all night, my whole body aches and burns, my varicose veins hurt like a beast, and I can't breathe worth snot.

However, all over the world right now, people can't sleep at night.

Many have just lost a child, a husband, a mother or father, a loved one near and dear to their hearts. Some are going through the despair of divorce. Others are dealing with a terminal illness and pain that no medication or delivery date can fix. Many don't have a cozy bed and covers to wrap in. Some don't have a support system of friends to carry them through. Husbands and wives are far from their families at war. A great deal will never be able to have children. All of these people can't turn away from the worry and sleep is a dreaded nightly event.

As sleep eludes me at night, I think of these people. I think of just how lucky I am to have a strong marriage, a healthy baby girl still growing, loved ones safe and sound, a cozy home, and temporary discomfort. I pray for them to find sleep.

But as darkness fades, I easily forget to count my blessings and instead revert back to feeling grumpy, irritated, cheated, and abused from all of these pregnancies and recurrent losses. Pain overcomes my mind and I forget how brief it really is in the grand scheme of life. How soon this will all fade and a new kind of sleepless night will take over.

I pray I will carry my blessings throughout the day. I pray that I will find strength like I used to have years ago to continue to endure pain. I pray I will not complain as much and will find peace with the past. I pray for those that have it far worse than I could ever imagine.

For all these things I pray each night when sleep won't hardly come.


Collins Family said...

Hang In There!

Anonymous said...

That is so honest. I feel the same way so many times. Trying to count my blessings vs. feeling grumpy and irritable when things don't go my way or because of past hurts that resurface.

And for the record, I think you deserve a few moments of grumpiness when your body has completely changed and your center of gravity is completely off. It's okay, in my book, to complain a little bit when making your way around the world becomes increasingly difficult and slow and sleep eludes you.

I'm so glad, though, that you are still able to see beyond the challenges to all of the good stuff. I think that praying for others who are struggling is the perfect recipe to chase your blues away!

Andria and Co. said...

Has the round ligament pain hit you yet? It constantly got to me when I was pregnant.
I felt guilty complaining about all the aches and pains when I was pregnant, knowing that there were others out there who would kill to be in my position.
Not much longer. :)
How is the nursery coming along?

missing_one said...

Hang in there!!

Oh and I tagged you!