Newsflash To Self: This is not a contest.
I am .5 inches from being okay with starting maternity leave on April 10th. Originally, I hoped to make it to April 18th. However, I'm worn down and nights are difficult. I need to mentally prepare as my head is not in this game quite yet. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait for Kallie to make her appearance, but I still have things to do and a husband to love on before two become three.
I toss and turn this concept through my head all day long. It sounds a little like this: Guilt...acceptance...guilt...who cares what others think...guilt...I deserve this considering our realm of loss...guilt...you're a fighter, keep going...guilt...take time for yourself. However, I'm ending quite often on the "take care of yourself" note. Especially since today was the due date for my sweet babies, Kinsey & Ryan. We've been through A LOT the last few years and it's high time I respect that.
My deadline is Friday as I am going to send home a note to the parents regarding maternity leave. For now, I'll keep turning it over in my head until that magic little Genie inside my stubborn noggin finally says, "Permission to take care of yourself...granted." And he's .5 inches away from saying it.