Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Making Peace With Myself

Newsflash To Self: This is not a contest.

I am .5 inches from being okay with starting maternity leave on April 10th. Originally, I hoped to make it to April 18th. However, I'm worn down and nights are difficult. I need to mentally prepare as my head is not in this game quite yet. Don't get me wrong, I can't wait for Kallie to make her appearance, but I still have things to do and a husband to love on before two become three.

I toss and turn this concept through my head all day long. It sounds a little like this: Guilt...acceptance...guilt...who cares what others think...guilt...I deserve this considering our realm of loss...guilt...you're a fighter, keep going...guilt...take time for yourself. However, I'm ending quite often on the "take care of yourself" note. Especially since today was the due date for my sweet babies, Kinsey & Ryan. We've been through A LOT the last few years and it's high time I respect that.

My deadline is Friday as I am going to send home a note to the parents regarding maternity leave. For now, I'll keep turning it over in my head until that magic little Genie inside my stubborn noggin finally says, "Permission to take care of yourself...granted." And he's .5 inches away from saying it.


Fertilized said...

Good for you for trying to take care of yourself.

Anonymous said...

You are a wonderful teacher! The kids will be fine. If you don't take care of yourself, how can you take care of anyone else? Let guilt take a vacation.

girlh said...

just do it!

adios guilt.

you are so right. these are the last few days for just YOU and DH, trust your instinct. what anyone else thinks is their own issue.

Rachel said...

I am sorry about this sad day.

Take the early leave, and don't worry about it. Once your daughter is here you won't think about work for a while.

Anonymous said...

The minute you leave, the guilt will dissolve as well. Can you believe it??!!! You are having a baby!!! Every single baby is a miracle and no one would deny this(Especially other parents. That is why they want you to stay---for their precious babies---can't blame them, but shouldn't oblige either.)Prepare, relax, enjoy. Oh and try to SLEEEEP! Hurray for Kallie.

Anonymous said...

Permission to take care of yourself...



The Magic Little Genie Inside MKV's stubborn noggin

~Now, you've gotta do it because the Genie has spoken! :)

Anonymous said...

Listen to the Genie!

BellaMama said...

The sooner = the better!! You'll NEVER regret the decision!!
If you take care of yourself, you are taking care of your baby also!!
You have (or are going to) notified school & parents, that's where your resposibility ends with them. NO GUILT!!
Come'on already!! We're all rooting for ya!
Many, many blessings of peace and relaxation to you!!

cb said...

A favorite aunt says this...
Don't SHOULD on yourself

I think it is good advice. Take off now! Besides...it's not easy finding just the right beginning ballet shoes for that long legged future dancer - you'd better start now!

Birdies Mama said...

PLEASE! Please take care of yourself...after all that you have been through you DESERVE time to yourself before she comes. Take it easy, rest your feet and your mind.

You will be taking care of you and your sweet baby girl!

The rest of the world can wait, but these precious days are so important.

This is your time! Go for it girl!

Anonymous said...

i know you have absolutely nothing else to do... please update so your fans know you and kallie are fine.