Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Need Advice On How To Waste Time?

Let me tell you...I'm the best at it. Lately, I've been reading My Babe's book, The Measure of a Man, by Sidney Poitier. In this autobiography, he talks about asking himself, "What am I doing with my time?" Of course, some of my problems would be solved if I would just drag myself out of bed a little earlier. However, I would still fill that extra time with something completely unbeneficial, I'm sure of it.

Yesterday, after leaving a meeting at 5pm, I proceed to go on a shopping spree that resulted in nothing but tears, frustration, and wasted time. This shopping spree was for the video we are filming in my classroom on Thursday. Four hours later, I was home with nothing to show for it but a ball of nerves and stress. Stress because the clothes I have pre-babies don't fit, but I have no baby to hold. Stress because the clothes I bought post-baby delivery do not fit anymore...mostly because my body becomes very pregnant very fast. Does any of that matter in the grand scheme of life? Does anyone really care if I wear the same pants and shirts over and over again? Does that justify wasting four hours on shopping that results in no purchase? Of course, the answer is obvious, but not to my brain. Instead, I missed my Body Flow class, my opportunity to walk Peanut, my chance to spend time reading my book, and my nightly rituals to unwind before sleep...the things that make for a good night's sleep and keep me from hurting others the next day.
My quest for a nice physical appearance earned me nothing but a foul mood and a lot of wasted time. Maybe I'll remember this again when I ask myself, "What am I doing with my time?"


Larisa said...

Just found your blog from a comment on mine. I'm so sorry for your losses - and I hope the path you might be beginning brings you a successful pregnancy and a healthy baby.

Anonymous said...

I think you are being too hard on yourself. You have a lot going on right now. Be gentle with yourself. I'm sorry the shopping trip was so frustrating, but don't blame yourself. It's completely understandable that you wanted something "fresh and new" for the videotaping.

You're right, though, it doesn't matter what you're wearing tomorrow. Your professionalism and skill are going to shine through on the video!