Friday, May 4, 2007

Houston...We Have a Problem


R.I.P. Little Squashy
May 2, 2007 - May 6, 2007

It seems we have a problem with reproduction and life around here. Not only does it rain on Little Squashy's parade, but it rains on ours too. Little Squashy couldn't handle the constant flow of moisture coming from the Austin clouds lately. Can Little Squashy's mother handle the constant flow of blood coming from her veins into a vial, only to find out her Progesterone is just down to Unlucky Number 7? Sure, I should be happy that it is down and we are very close to trying again. However, I've been down this road before, my friend, and it has not turned out pretty. The crazy part of me is downright giddy that I might be pregnant again so soon. Don't get me wrong...there is absolutely nothing about pregnancy that makes me giddy. In fact, it makes me pukey, bi%#@y, and quite wiggity wack. It's the thought that maybe, just maybe, this will be the one that lasts. I mean, seriously, how many more random complications can we have?

And then, there is the realistic side of me that says, "Whoa, Nelly...you still have way too many hurdles to jump over." I haven't ever trained for hurdle jumping. I don't even like track meets. Who wants to run as fast as you can in a circle, going nowhere? That seems to be how this pregnancy, birth, and living thing goes for me and for Little Squashy - absolutely nowhere.

4 comments:

Sunny said...

I am so sorry about your little squash. I know how you feel. :) I have chick eggs that I am trying to hatch in my class. So afraid that infertility will rub off on them.

Anonymous said...

Keep listening to your crazy side! Somehow, I know you will. :) Sorry about little Squashy.

You really are a great writer.

Lori said...

Hope is hard to hang onto, especially when it has been dashed so brutally so many times.

Infertility... loss... you really have been on one horrible treadmill. I will dare to hope with you that this next time is when you get to hop off, break through the finish line, and bring that little one home. May it be very, very soon!

Erin said...

Hello sweetie.

I wanted to tell you thank you for commenting on my blog. I also wanted to write you somehow and tell you of a great website I found, perhaps you have found it before.

http://www.lotusfertility.com

This site is very lovely....with lots of fertitily recourses and great reading.

xo-Erin, Birdies Mama