My Shadow

My Babe gladly takes backseat to all of my many emotions, trials, and tribulations. We seem to be consumed with my moods, my infertility, and my everything. When I find myself wallowing in the sorrow of losing our babies, I have to remind myself that I am not the only one that has lost four children. My Babe may not have experienced the pregnancies and deliveries first hand, but he held my hand throughout. I know the thoughts plaque his mind daily - the "What ifs?" and the "Whys?" I know he hurts.

Today was a day made especially for My Babe. He got to pick what we ate (a once in a lifetime opportunity...I assure you), he got to pick what we did/did not do. He was completely in charge of the day. It felt so nice and made me feel sad at the same time. How is it that I have grown so far from taking care of him and his needs/wants? This was a great day to bring me back to my senses.

The message at church today was exactly on target for everything I know without a doubt My Babe will be when he has the chance to parent. He will be the most present, committed provider, protector, mentor and friend. I cannot wait to experience it with him.

Happy Father's Day to My Babe, my shadow, and the best daddy ever to our four angels in Heaven.