Friday, June 15, 2007

I'm Not Sick...But I'm Not Well

I don't know how to get past it.

I don't know how to rid myself of the poisonous nervous stomach that paralyzes me for no apparent reason.

I haven't fully enjoyed my marriage to summer yet because of it. I think I'm consciously sabotaging myself and I need a swift kick in the rear. My head spins, my stomach churns, I dread going anywhere and seeing anyone, and I am not even close to productive. I've pushed myself hard this summer - trying to find a solution to our debt, "learning" how to swim, and forcing myself to do things completely out of my comfort zone. I've tried to lower my expectations, but it doesn't help the constant whirlwind inside my head and the sickness I feel. Exercise has helped tremendously, but not enough to maintain the feeling throughout the day. After seeing my awesome acupuncturist today, I felt better than I have since my marriage to summer began. I really only have a few things to feel sick about...nothing life threatening for sure. Nothing that should cause such anxiety that I'm on the verge of losing it.

The dreaded "Two Week Wait", the limbo between knowing if I am pregnant or not, isn't even really concerning me. It's the small potatoes that haunt me. I called a counselor that my acupuncturist recommends today. I am anxious (surprise!) to talk with her and develop strategies to tackle this monster sans my beloved Pink Pills.


Chris said...

I'm a teacher also. Several years ago I had the worst case of anxiety once the school year had ended. I was really looking forward to summer, and just love summer, and had tons of stuff to do. However, anxiety just snuck up on me. I think teachers get used to being in a routine and summer disrupts that. Continue to take good care of yourself, and I hope you feel better soon.

Anonymous said...

Oh, you know I relate to the poisonous nervous stomach! I completely understand. I so hope that the appt with the counselor will bring some relief and strategies.


Watson said...

Good for you for taking the swim class, of course I can totally relate.

It shows a lot of guts to put yourself out there and really face your fears!

Good luck on the 2ww :-)

Sunny said...

I do this every summer. I get so excited about the summer and then when it gets here and worry that I am wasting it away. Also having time to dwell on the 2ww SUCKS.

I really hope you can settle and find calm and peace.