Thursday, March 20, 2008

Don't Let the Mother Burn

Dear Body,

I'm not certain that you realize this so I will glady bring it directly to your attention.

There is a burn ban in effect in surrounding counties. Although our immediate area lifted their burn ban just days ago, your potential fire will still create havoc if it is not squelched quickly. Quite frankly, there is enough fire within my chest to light the entire state of Texas and burn every living and nonliving thing in its path.

Doesn't it concern you that our home backs up to a heavily wooded ranch? Do you think living with a firefighter gives you permission to torment me with a 24/7 raging burn? Is it okay to continue hurling food up my esophogus just for giggles?
No more, I say.

Spring began at 12:48am yesterday and while it typically brings rain highly capable of dousing a roaring bonfire to these parts of Texas, a torrential downpour near your awesome powers would be equivalent to spitting in Hell and expecting dramatic results immediately.

This is really getting old and I respectfully request you extinguish this blaze permanently as I have dealt with your nasty ways for the past 19 weeks...and that is a long damn time, I tell you. I have 5 weeks left and a little reprieve would be just freaking awesome.

And while you're at it, getting over yourself and all, talk to my hips too. Mmmm, k?

Respectfully but VERY seriously,

The Landlord

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ah yes, heartburn...I remember that well, especially after reading this post!

You know, you have such a unique, creative voice, MKV. I don't know anyone else who would have described this experience quite in this way!

If I could, I would take the fire over here for you, at least for an hour....

mbc said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
mbc said...

I love you little lady (and your creative way with words). I hope you have immediate relief!

p.s. While you're at it, could you please write a scathing letter to my hips and thighs please?

Andria said...

lol... I remember those days! Are you already 33 weeks?! The time has flown by!

missing_one said...

Despite the normal pregnancy things that I don't seem to ever get (nausea, backache, constipation) I DO get heartburn. Each time. somethin' fierce. I'd get it when I ate something, anything. I'd get it when I didn't eat. I'd have it all the time! Although I have to say it was worse with a girl.

Good luck!

Becky said...

One of the MANY joys of pregnancy : )

I can't believe it's almost the end! What a great feeling to know that Kallie will be here safely. When do you get your cerclage removed?

I, too, would take the heartburn over for a little while if I could. Not to long though, I don't want my body getting any ideas.

Anonymous said...

Only five weeks left until you meet your precious baby girl. You are going to have so much fun spoiling her rotten! BTW - Sorry about the heartburn. At least that goes away. The stretch marks are pretty much forever. And, it's all worth it!

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