I am in a serious foul mood. This foul mood has lasted since Saturday. It's Monday, people...this is ridiculous. I fight this with each cell in my body, but it wins every single time. It consumes me, makes it miserable for My Babe, and I need Pink Pills. Usually I can fake a good mood, but I can't even fake it this time. It makes me tired - makes me weary - makes me sad - makes me not fun to be around. The happier someone is around me, the worse I feel. It pains me to write. It pains me to smile.
There are several things hanging over my head that I just can't let go. Two are major things and one is so incredibly tiny that it isn't even worth a minute of energy. However, I dwell on it...seek the negative over and over and over. I've tried more strategies than I can shake a stick at, but I still continue to focus on the negative. In fact, I think I'm getting worse. To make matters even more dismal (because I like that, you know), I'm pumped up with good ol' fertility drugs which make me want to rip my hair out. My book, Authentic Happiness, says that people who are really happy are just born that way. Those that are not so happy can make themselves happier by using strategies, but will never really be high as a kite happy because they weren't born that way. Well, crap. I'm out of luck, which makes me really happy. But, I'm determined to change. I'm determined to beat it....just not today. Today, pessimistic Melissa wins. And, really, it's okay.