Sunday, May 13, 2007

Will The "Real" Mothers Please Stand Up?

I'm torn when all the mothers stand at church to be honored. I can't stand. I never changed their diapers. I never fed them. I never dressed them. I never bathed them. I never heard them cry. I never rocked them to sleep. I never got up in the middle of the night. I never pushed them in a stroller. I haven't sacrificed. I can't stand.

However, I am a mother.

I carried my babies. My body changed. I felt the kicks. I knew their personalities - strong and feisty, calm and passive. I had the sickness and heartburn. I managed the intense back pain. I felt the pressure. I told the doctor. He didn't listen. I tried my best. I failed.

I delivered them.

I held them. I watched them gasp for breath. I felt their heartbeat...and felt it fade away. I held their hands and touched their tiny feet. I kissed them. I gave them back to Heaven.

I came home alone.

I am a mother, but someday I will get to stand.


Lori said...

Yes, you are a mother. But I also know that you didn't get to mother your precious babies in all the ways that you wanted to, and in this life, you never will.

But maybe, in some way that I can't even pretend to imagine... maybe they stood up for you today. I just can't help but wonder if their little souls weren't crying out with pride today and saying, "There's our mother!"

You are in my prayers tonight.

Sunny said...

You are a mother. I am so sorry that you don't still have your little ones in your arms. HUGS!

Anonymous said...

Yes! I think Lori got it exactly right. Yes, you are indeed a mother. I'm so proud of you.

Nicole said...

You are a mother. Ditto what the others said. I am just so sorry that you didn't get to mother, but you will. We all will, someday.